Saturday, 23 January 2010

It’s a google thing……

Okay I’ll admit it, it’s one of my guilty pleasures – spying on exes that is. And I know it isn’t just me. Whether we’re happy in a new relationship or you’re single and hoping he comes to his senses any day now we’re all a little curious about what our exes are up to.

Even with exes who I despise, and would rather sleep with someone like Darren Day than bump into them, I weirdly find myself googling their name or stalking down their facebook page, in the vain hope that I may find out who they’re dating or what life has thrown at them since we parted ways. But what am I looking for? Something to tell me they’ve moved on? Something which shows they’re having a miserable life without me? Or just for a little giggle?

When I facebook stalked an ex last week I found out he’d gone on a blind date. I couldn’t help but have a little chuckle to myself – if you knew him you’d understand. I could just imagine him turning up to the date with as much enthusiasm as a clown on crack cocaine, the poor girl would leave wondering who the hell it was she just met.

And as my Mum always says (Yes I know Mums are always right!) you’ll never find anything good from snooping. But of course curiosity gets the better of us. And if they’ve dumped us we obviously want to know about how painfully unhappy they are since he made us cry (for at least two days – straight!). So of course we want to know if our recurring dream of them being dumped by their new girlfriend, losing their job and reaping that karma back has happened yet. But usually you’ll just find hurl inducing pictures of him and the new girlfriend smiling back at you.

A recent ex, annoyingly, had an open profile on facebook. And believe me, I tried my hardest not to facebook stalk him. When I dated him he proclaimed that he had an open profile because he had nothing to hide. Of course I realised the real reason when he dumped me - he was just a big show off. Especially as his profile gave me a running commentary of just how quickly he was getting over me and moving on, it quickly made those daydreams of reconciliation as realistic as ever snogging Bradley Cooper is.

And then, secretly of course, the comparisons start. ‘Why the hell is he seeing her? I’m so much prettier,’ ‘ha, gutted, he’s still living with his parents,’ ‘yes, he lost his job,’ and the list goes on until you feel like the gold medal winner in the race for ‘who has the better life’.

And it’s not just facebook which has been at the hand of my guilty stalking. I’ve also been known to use a little tool called google too. Being a journalist of course it's just research but sometimes I feel like I’ve crossed that line from sane individual to a deranged one. Do I really need to know how they’re doing at work, what they ate for dinner last night or how well they did in the egg and spoon race in 1988? Well you never know.

A friend of mine bumped into my first ever boyfriend the other day. Being over four years since we split up you’d think he’d have forgiven me for dumping him by now. After all I didn’t do any dirty deeds on him like cheat on him with his best friend, spit in his Mum's face or cut off any of his manly parts. But his childish behaviour would make you think I might have. So when my friend asked him why he wouldn’t accept her ever so polite friend request on facebook his reply was ‘well you know Sarah don’t you?’ Unlike me he had gone the other way –he was making pretty damn sure that I would never pop into his life unexpectedly and probably hoping that google will cease to exist any day now.

I’d like to say I’ll give it up one day, be the bigger person, get on with my life and not care about what they’re getting up to in cyber land. I’d like to think I could drag myself along to SEBA (stalking ex boyfriend’s anonymous) one day and say ‘My name’s Sarah and I google my ex boyfriend’s,’ but I really don’t think it will happen. Mainly because I’m sure a group like that doesn’t exist but also because it’s only a bit of fun. Of course, if I’m ever issued with a restraining order I may change my mind. But for now I’ll happily keep on googling and facebooking them – in secret of course, I mean I don’t want everyone knowing!


  1. Nice post. I too google my exes. I have an ex who suffered with a tight vagina problem, but my snooping last month revealed she now has three babies. Guess it's not a problem any more.

  2. Oh dear....a little too much information there ha ha!!

  3. Love it!

    But dont worry, you have a long way to go before needing to join SEBA! I was recently contacted by a guy who was google stalking a friend of mine. When this guy found my friend mentioned on my blog he contacted me asking for my friend's details as her facebook profile is closed!

  4. I completely relate to your post.
    I do believe that ignorance is bliss however, so I try to control myself.
    I had the weirdest experience recently when I started being attracted with a guy I have a professional relationship with. I am 100% sure that the attraction was reciprocal. I checked his facebook profile a few times, and it was locked.
    Once we met and it started heating up between us. But maybe a week after that, I checked his facebook profile again, and guess what, it was open, with his relationship status clearly displayed (he was in a relationship) with the anniversary date of their relationship (7 years). Ouch. that hurt!
    Didn't understand why he did that. Why not just tell me he was with someone?

    Never came back to visit his profile since, and never will!!

  5. Its a very tempting but dangerous thing .. but can be so addictive :)

  6. Facebook has a lot to answer for as it lends itself to a whole world of stalk-dom that was never really possible before its invention. I have been known to Facebook stalk ex-boyfriends, the ex-girlfriends of my then boyfriend etc etc. If knowledge is power then why does casually Facebook stalking someone make me feel like such a loser!

    Great post. Love your blog!

    Kate x

  7. oh god yes it is bad news doing it. i did it on saturday after abstaining for months and months - did a search on facebook and found out my ex was engaged - not healthy!! sometimes i wish facebook didnt exist :) x

  8. Brilliant post and I’ve got to say it makes me feel a lot better about my behaviour. I can’t help myself, its nigh on impossible not to stalk ex boyfriends. However, my most recent (proper) ex doesn’t “do” social media at all and doesn’t do anything to warrant him being on google so I can’t indulge. However, a recent guy who I was “dating” it EVERYWHERE and I have to say I’m totally addicted. It truly is an illness, especially when you see that “X has been tagged in a photo” and you can’t help but rush to have a peek.
    I don’t think it’ll ever subside; I like your excuse, being journalist’s we can officially just call it research.

  9. Yeah, it's way too tempting since all of this information is right there in front of us. It serves a purpose when I hear stories like what Blenche said---how much later would you have found out if not for FB?? But then I think of a co-worker who used to stalk her ex every hour, obsessing over every picture he took with a girl and making grand assumptions about their relationships. Sigh. FB + love = bad news.

  10. This is the first entry of your blog that i've read. But needless to say, I am thoroughly enjoying it.
    Mainly because I have crossed the border to insania, and am a keen facebook stalker myself.
    Ive gone past stalking my exs and current loves, instead to snoop on friends of friends (of friends...) who ive never and might never meet.
    A little crazy no? Well I thought so until one crossed wire led to another and I found out a friends boyfriend had cheated on her with a random girl from our hometown (I think I had gone through about 10profiles to end up at hers, and it was sheer coincedence!)

    It is bad news though. You will always find out something you dont want too. But then again, I cant help but smirk at finding out the downfall of my exs too. :)

  11. I am loving all this honesty girls....keep it up! Nice to know it isn't just me who is an avid ex stalker!!

  12. i totally facebook stalk too. probably just to confirm that despite him disappearing outta my life without any notice, he really isn't dead afterall...

  13. i just like seeing what he's up to- and since his facebook profile is public, the temptation is that much more powerful.

    however, i've almost walked into traps when i've visited mutual friends and they've informed me what my ex is up to as i ALMOST say "oh yeah, i know"

    "oh really? how do you know?

  14. From a mare perspective - everyone does it, its not just the girls, i know a few men in my office, and they all look their ex's too, I have the odd look too, to see how they're doing, who they're with now etc... so I cant sort of judge myself against the new partner. Its the modern acceptable face of stalking lol.



Blog Widget by LinkWithin