Thursday, 12 April 2012

Has modern technology made us lazy daters?

I recently realised why modern technology is turning me, and probably quite a few other women insane, it’s making men lazy, especially when it comes to dating.

I recently came out of what I can only describe as a ‘text message based’ relationship.

He text me to ask me out, he text to tell me he’d had a great time, he text me to wish me a happy Valentines (yes a card would have worked)…..in fact I don’t think I even heard his phone voice until he was drunk and he probably phoned me by accident.

And if any of you know me you’ll know I’m not exactly a technophobe, I’m glued to my phone like a chocoholic who’s lost her Mars bar, but when it comes to something big like cancelling on someone, or even breaking up with them, surely a text message isn’t sufficient?

‘Sorry but can we re-arrange our date tonight?’ was the text message I received from him, on a SATURDAY night, just three hours before he was supposed to see me. Before text messaging was invented a guy probably would have phoned a girl and sweet talked her before saying ‘Hey, so I know I was going to see you tonight, but is it okay if I go out with the boys instead?’ Now all we get is a lazy text telling us we’ve been stood up – not really the stuff of fairytales, is it?

This really should have been a big sign that I should get out now, go, run, leave, or just you'know dump him, but no I lived through at least another 6 weeks or torturous bad text message usage from him.

And it isn’t just Mr ‘text message’ who is guilty of this – I’ve been wooed by all sorts of social media – a quick poke on facebook, a couple of flirty tweets and lots of ‘internet’ winking – is this really all they’ve got? These forms of communicating were made to make it easy, but men seem to have got the wrong end of the stick – they think they don’t need to communicate with us in the real world, because in the land of twitter, emails and text message the relationship is fine, when really it’s anything but.

And when they do actually make the effort to reach out, behind the window of modern technology, we’re usually so bewildered it knocks us for six. I gasped when a friend told me about a guy she’d JUST met that actually phoned her to ask her out. I wasn’t sure if I was scared by the prospect of speaking to a guy on the phone before an actual date, or just so shell shocked that he’d actually been able to pick up the phone and use it for its main purpose.

And I may not have minded if ‘text message’ guy’s texts had been anything but dull. I could have put up with a text message based relationship if he’d had me in stitches from the word ‘hi’ or even ‘sext’ me occasionally – but he never, ever did. It was like he’d read a book entitled ‘how to lose friends and alienate dates….by text message!’

And while this one seemed to keep it short and sweet, with I may add NO kisses to signal the end of his texts, (isn’t that just a crime against all humanity when it comes to texting?!) another guy I dated sent text messages like he was sending me an essay on his life – whenever his name popped up in my inbox I would be delighted, only to be bored by the third paragraph of him detailing his day of ironing, hoovering and washing his pants!

The last straw with Mr ‘text message’ was a text explaining why he hadn’t been in touch for three days, ‘Sorry, I was on a two day bender with my friends!’. I was so mad at that poor little text I just had to delete it before I smashed my phone into a billion little pieces. There was no ‘I’ll make it up to you’ phone call – just a lazy text message which signalled the end to me putting up with Mr ‘text message’.

The funniest thing was when I broke up with him (not over text message) I didn’t even get a text to say goodbye – now that is lazy!

20 comments:

  1. I completely agree. It's not just dating too - friendships are getting lazy with the advent of texting as well. I frequently get friends who send the ol 'Haven't spoken to you in ages, how are you?' text, and when you reply, that's the end. It's like they've done their checking in, the quota is filled.

    When it comes to dating though, sometimes I wish guys would call, definitely. I'm a bit afraid of the phone sometimes (don't ask...) so always think I prefer a text, but actually, if a guy called to ask me out, or even see what I was up to, it would mean so much. And you know that right there, they are giving you their full attention. With texting, they could be bashing out a quick 'how r u' while checking their emails or during a boring meeting.

    On a wider note, technology as a whole is probably ruining dating too. Dating sites, facebook, social networking, the 'always on' culture - it's breeding a 'always better out there somewhere' culture too. I definitely feel that guys (and girls I'm sure!) are starting to lose interest so much quicker because the internet promises a land of neverending quick dates, quick fixes and 'onto the next one' endings.

    It doesn't bode well.

    ReplyDelete
  2. When a man leaves a voicemail, I wonder what's wrong with him. I want a man with some balls but that's too much balls for one little girl to handle!

    He left a voicemail, I never called him back. I guess there's just no helping me! haha x

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  4. Ugh I cannot tell you the amount of relationships entirely conducted by text. The trick is to always yield the power by being a little indirect. If he asks to see you say 'yeah sounds great', if he says how about Friday? Say 'sure'. In short be monosyllabic and make him yearn for an actual conversation. Always hold out for the elusive DOUBLE TEXT (where he texts again because you haven't responded) in short, the aim is as always, to push those lazy brutes way out of their comfort zone!

    ReplyDelete
  5. "And I may not have minded if ‘text message’ guy’s texts had been anything but dull. I could have put up with a text message based relationship if he’d had me in stitches from the word ‘hi’ or even ‘sext’ me occasionally"

    I think you hit the nail on the head there. It's not so much the technology as what the technology allows dude to think they can get away with. I don't care if you're texting more than calling, in fact, I personally actually enjoy it but I also want witty repartee not "hey...how was your day?"

    ReplyDelete
  6. I have to agree: texting is laziness. I actually make a point of calling people because sometimes texts can be misconstrued and are often subject to autotext mishaps. Of course, they don't answer the phone but text me back! I suppose when the right ones come around they'll actually want to hear the sounds of our voices.

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  7. But what is the solution? Does one refuse to have conversations via text until the guy is willing to put in a little more effort?

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