Tuesday, 11 August 2009

When dating becomes a full-time job….

Most dating books tell us to play it cool when it comes to men. To be the girl that the guy sees from the other side of the bar and is intrigued by.

BUT what if he doesn’t see us? What if we play it so cool he thinks we're not interested? What if we're so ‘whatever’ in our attempt to get the guy that we realise that we haven’t been out on a date for what seems like years.

When I became single – nearly six months ago now (eek!) - all of a sudden I was in an in-between place where I was slightly heartbroken about my lost love, but also wondering how the hell I was supposed to move on. And to even contemplate dating seemed like cheating and out of the ordinary.

Emailing, texting or phoning guys, that of course bore no resemblance to how I felt about my ex, seemed like a chore, a mistake or just plain weird.

But like anything if you don’t put in the hard graft then you’re probably not going to see any sort of promising results. So after a couple of months of feeling like ‘the girl who lost out on The One’, a few drunken incidents involving my mobile and my ex and lots of facebook stalking, I knew I had to step back into the dating world before I either faced an angry new girlfriend or I just went mentally insane.

So as I gingerly positioned myself on the conveyor belt of dating I realised that a few emails, a couple of winks (virtual obviously) or even a smile in a crowded bar weren’t going to find me Mr Right. Just like one of my typical school reports would claim – I realised that ‘a little bit more effort was required’.

I was going to have to be the girl who asked guys out, gave them second chances and tried all those things that seem a little scary for us singletons. Online dating – tick, speed dating (yuk!) – tick, dating agencies - tick, heck I even auditioned for a TV dating show.

Basically I was happy to try anything in my attempt to find Mr Right. And now whenever I proclaim to my friends that I have ‘another’ date they huff - ‘You’re always going on a date, that’s not newsworthy!’

But maybe that’s how I found myself learning how to make sushi with a cute guy in London last week. They say good things come out of being spontaneous – and this had been on a total whim. A London newspaper was asking me in big bold print ‘do you want to date this hottie?’ He was good looking, had some interesting profile answers and was obviously ‘ballsy’ enough to appear in a newspaper asking for dates - so who was I to say no?

Of course I wasn’t expecting to be picked, or to even get on with him. But a sushi lesson, some cheesy photos and a bottle of wine later I found myself sipping cocktails in Notting Hill with him - while he questioned me about date number two.

I’m not saying we should defy all the rules of dating, especially the sensible ones. But sometimes we have to just think f**k it. Call him if you like him, give that cute guy in the bar your phone number, and why not apply to date a ‘hottie’ in a London newspaper- you never know where it may lead! After all who wants a boring ‘how we met story’? My sister poked a random stranger on facebook – a year and a half later she’s still dating him – now if that’s not ‘spontaneous’ fate for you then I don’t know what is!


  1. Good on you glad the date went well! Good advice aswell. Dating is competitive these days the shy get left behind! :)

  2. What a great post, Sarah.
    Sounds like the date went well.
    I'm so jealous if your impulsive single life.
    Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy being in a relationship, but it was always really fun going out with my girlfriends and playing the field! hee hee xxx

  3. Hi there, I met my husband by chance through a friend,after daring to go on a online dating site and giving up on it. The truth is the dating site made me focus on what I really wanted out of a new relationship rather than feeling I needed to be perfect! It also helped me loosen up a little when I was faced with checking out who ever expressed a interest in me and taking a risk.So it was a great training ground for when I finaly met the right man.He didn't need to thaw me out with a hair dryer for an hour, to get a decent converation out of me!!!! S x

  4. Thanks for all the feedback guys...

    Lauren - Maybe not as exciting as it sounds but def having fun being single - you seem to get away with alot more being single!

    Style girl - wow thats wicked, when your single you def just need to give it all a go and you are evidence that it works....

    Thanks for reading x x

  5. love your blog!! you started same time as me too! dreamy xx

  6. Sadly, this city is somewhat lacking in hunks on horseback who gallantly gallop to your side and promise you a life of love, happiness and great sex!
    I too have realised that you can't just wait for a great guy to land in your lap (tho that IS a good place for them to land in general!).
    Is it risky doing all the groundwork yourself? Sure. There are bound to be more than a few duds out there! And is it completely against all the dating rules? Apparently so! But every so often something special happens.
    And, if it doesn't? Well, as in any case when anything crappy happens in life, I just shrug it off and tell myself it's all material for my (yet-to-be-published) bestseller!
    The Steve Jones sushi man sounds great though... got his number?? LLx



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