Monday, 23 August 2010

My online find the ‘one’

I think I’m a little obsessed with online dating. And it’s weird because I don’t even really like it that much. But I find myself secretly logging on every other hour to see how many people have viewed me or to check if Mr ‘online’ Right has emailed me back yet.

I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with online man hunting. I can go for months without the need to hide behind a computer, in my safe little bubble – but then almost out of nowhere the urge to find out what cyber men have to offer strikes again.

So it didn’t surprise me when last month, while slightly intoxicated, (and thinking it was yet again a good idea) I logged on again. And I was hoping this time would be different – that I wouldn’t get the creepy 44 year olds winking at me, have long, drawn out emails sent to me or be ambushed by men who had no profile picture and thought it was okay to ask me out in the first email. But of course it was no different – stalkers and weirdos obviously see me coming.

And now I’m worried that my addiction will spill over into real life – will my facebook and twitter account be deprived because I’m talking to men who go by the names of – ‘I am the one and only’ ‘me again’ (I can just see this one turning up on my doorstep claiming it’s just ‘me again’) or ‘rusty bin 35’ - I really hope not!

But seriously, internet dating can be a bit rubbish. Especially when men think it’s acceptable to have dating profiles which start with.... ‘I hate writing this stuff and I really don’t know what to put here.....’ errr something a bit more interesting than that please – it’s as though they’re thinking out loud but pressed ‘enter’ by accident.

And of course the cost of true love never comes cheap. Whoever cottoned on to the idea of preying on singles, looking for Mr or Miss Right was a very clever person. The adverts make out as if they’re the cupids of the internet, the Cilla Blacks of the worldwide web – and I might agree if it wasn’t for the hefty fee at the end of it all.

Then there are the emails - which we always open with hope. But sometimes they stop us in our tracks. Recently a friend had what I can only describe as a pornographic message via a dating site. Erm...sorry?! We’re on here to find love, Mr Right, our soul mates – it’s not called (which believe it or not actually exists!). So please log off and stop sending us indecent proposals via a dating website!

The other emails don’t get much better either – Dave from Southport emailed me asking ‘I know I’m not very clever or good looking – but will you date me anyway?’ while Brian from London emailed me for the fifth time wondering why I hadn’t replied to him (erm...get the hint mate!). And what’s with men from Scotland, or even Finland emailing me? I don’t mind travelling a few miles to find my soul mate – but you’re stretching it a bit far if you expect me to meet you for a coffee in Madrid!

And why does everyone assume, just because I‘m a journalist that I’m going to be writing about them in some sort of dating column?!? Honestly.

So when you’ve deleted the odd emails, said no to the guy in Madrid and reported the men for stalking you, you may just be lucky enough to stumble on a few ‘decent men’ – well that’s what you think before you meet them anyway.

Step up number one. He seemed nice – he was intense but I fancied him like crazy so ignored those little ‘warning signs’ which I really should have picked up on. That was until I received a text saying ‘I love you – do you love me?’ WHAT???

And number two was just as bad – just in a more camp way. In his picture he’d looked gorgeous – good height, nice features and not the least bit gay! By the end of the night I felt like I was gossiping with my best mate. So imagine my shock when he tried to kiss me – I fled like Cinderella at midnight (minus the shoe mishap!).

And most recent was number three. Who I’d been delightfully surprised about when I met up with him. He’d been honest about his height, his photos and his age – always a good start. And apart from his slightly sarcastic attitude I could see myself dating him again. It’s a shame I mucked it up then. I have a habit of tweeting about my dates – so when he did the inevitable googling of me and stumbled across my twitter account he wasn’t happy! He couldn’t believe I’d kissed and told! Damn google!

I really do wonder why I keep logging on? I’m hoping my online dating addiction will come to an end one day, or maybe my subscription will just run out! Either way I’m sure I won’t find ‘the one’ online – unless I suppose I fancy a date with ‘me again’. Now where did I save his email?


  1. If it's any help, OkCupid is a free dating service.

    I've been going out with the first (online) guy I ever met in real life for six months now. he asked me to be his girlfriend on our second date. Good luck to you.

  2. I thought i was the only one frustrated at online dating and having decent standards about vetting. I'm in the same boat as you - i'm gradually becoming disheartened by online dating because of the egar weirdos but still live in hope!

  3. I've never gone down the on-line road. I considered it for a while but couldn't go through with it. freaks me out slightly.

  4. Ha, Dave from Southport sounds like a legend. And if it's any consolation, 90 per cent of women write that 'I don't know what to write here...' crap too.
    *Plentymorefishoutofwater - One Man's Dating Diary*

  5. Online dating in Switzerland is so crappy that it's not a real option... I miss my time in the US where I could obsess about that too!

    PS: You should reconsider going to Finland for a date... have you seen Finnish guys/Gods???

  6. I'll be the first to agree that online dating is a bit of a mine-field - though it's one I've traversed many a time. I think that summing up what you consider to be your best qualities in a few sentences to be comically on the shallow side; let alone the mass debate as to which pictures to choose to "show you at your best", which always leaves the reality as somewhat of a let-down.

    You're right, originality is key when it comes to the profile. On mine (yes, I have one - doesn't everyone) I wrote "a poem about me", though I think it might come across as gay, which defeats the purpose entirely.

    And yes, I slipped the term "mass debate" in there. That's just how I roll.

  7. Online dating is great in theory. Don't we all wish we had a delete button at hand when being chatted up by a guy in shiny trousers in a club at 2am? No? Just me then?

    And it's really nice to be able to learn things about them before the first date without having to resort to facebook stalking.

    But I find the problem with online dating is its just a bit much like hard work. I think online dating only works for those willing to put the effort in. For those willing to go out on dates with guys that they are probably not going to be interested in just because they MIGHT be Mr Right.

    Maybe I'm just lazy. But I'm not getting off the sofa and put the biscuits down unless there's some serious spark.

    And that's really hard to find with someone you haven't yet met. In fact it's hard to find with someone you have met!


  8. Sometimes internet dating can be a lot like internet shopping, you scroll through the pictures, pick the ones you like and send messages, but is it right to treat people as products and not people?
    I must admit I used internet dating for about 3 years, and met a lot of people though it, some good people - a lot of complete nut-jobs!
    I had women send me porno style messages too, people trying to add me as their boyfriend on facebook after one horrendous date, and long abusive lists of e-mails from woman I had politely declined as they weren't my type. and I haven't even mentioned the married women!
    But on the whole it is us men who are the worst kinds of people on internet dating sites! I have heard from so many people I chatted to also agreeing with all of the above!
    Thankfully I met my partner on one website which has now shut down about 4 years ago, so it can work too, as long as you weed through all of the cheaters and time wasters to get there first!



Blog Widget by LinkWithin